Thoughts and fears
Exactly two weeks left in Japan. I can't believe how fast these 2 years have gone! When I look back, it feels like just yesterday that I flew into Tokyo--too scared and too excited for words. I remember the feeling of walking into restaurants and not being able to order food, or riding the train and feeling like it was the grandest thing ever. Now that I'm about to leave, I'm once again at a loss for words....although I've acquired a few more I could say in Japanese. Natsukashii. Samishii. Waku Waku!! My feeling is that I know it's time to find my next adventure, but what is it? Somehow, going back to Austin seems..I don't know..I guess it seems scary. I've changed so much over here, and I'm nervous that my old friends won't understand me, or even worse, I won't understand them. I don't want to revert to the person I was when I left Austin...I mean, I liked her and all...but I like who I've become even more. I feel like when I go home I'm going to have to clench my teeth and fight against the "pulls" of my old bad habits--although I can't exactly verbalize what those "bad habits" are--I just have this weird fear of them. Maybe the thing I'm afraid of is being an irresponsible college student again, which should be easy enough to avoid since I won't be a college student anymore. *sigh* Basically, it just boils down to the fear of the Unknown. I can deal with that. I need to remember to enjoy the present, and not worry so much about the future. Breathe, Alisha...breathe.